Prioritizing

“What are your long term goals?”

“Long term!”, laughing…. “Dude I don’t know what’s gonna happen to me this evening forget tomorrow!!”

“Well you need to know your priorities dear”

“OK, in that case I want to have a better job and role at work, a good amount of hike every year so I can splurge the way I do now. Get married to the guy I love more than anything and have 2 lovely daughters. Then get old taking care of my family and take my final trip to heaven peacefully. Does this answer your question?” Wink Wink!

“Gosh what a kiddo you are!”

“No, I ain't a kiddo! I don’t know what’s gonna happen to me today evening or where this life leads me tomorrow but I just want a simple happy life and grow old loving and get loved.”

This is a conversation between a guy and a girl. You must have guessed it!

Usually women are more focused on family and personal life while men are busy figuring out how to earn more. None can be blamed for that’s how their thinking works. Call it gender talks or whatever you wish to.

But, no matter how ambitious and career oriented a woman might be, it’s but natural to wish for a happy married life and a caring partner to whom she can devote the rest of the life to. For her it’s important to have meaningful relationships, compassion and care because she feels that money would come for sure. After all if both her husband and she are well qualified where is the problem?

Men on the other hand take their career/business/work more seriously as they are the ‘bread earners’ of the family. For them a family takes a second role. In the end what will you do with a lover or a family when you have no money to give them a lifestyle?

But does this hold good in today’s world too? I feel yes it does, to a very large extent. There might be exceptions. But as far as I have seen this is a common thinking among men and women

Especially when there are couples in a relationship there is a lot of sacrificing and compromising that happens. And I strongly agree that it is required for any successful relationship. But the question comes whether both the partners understand each others expectation or not? Or do they realize their and their partners’ priorities in life?

Love is blind and it often blinds people to many harsh realities of life. Sometime relationships which have seen all ups and downs of life for years together fall apart and come to stand still when commitments take a toll. Yes the “C” word which reminds you of all the “Ifs” and “Buts”, the “Hows” and “Whens”.

As a boyfriend or girlfriend one would never realize if his/her partner is actually whom he/she wants to marry. It’s a total fantasy world when you are in love. One fails to see many wrong doings and problems he/she faces during the courtship. Because one feels that “C’mon, I can surely do this much for him/her!” And you keep doing things which you never imagined. We go way beyond our capacity and capability to give love, protection and care to the relationship, trying to nurture it day after day! It’s like taking care of your first born baby!

But what usually happens through such long relationships is that women become bounded to their better halves. They start looking at them as their perspective future husbands and in fact start treating them in the same fashion. They often go so blind that they start giving them a place in their lives which would be higher than their own parents, siblings or friends! This comes natural to any woman who has loved a man for very long and has spent a lot of time with him. Men fail to understand this behaviour of women which often leads to many complications later on. They do not see this transformation coming in their partners and often take this to extra love the partner is showering on them.

In the beginning women give their unconditional love and care. But there comes a time when they start expecting the man to reciprocate by giving her a commitment of a lifetime!

This is the real test of the relationship. The woman who’s neck deep into the relationship and who was till now thinking that this would be her man, her life, her everything, now sits back in anxiety wondering if he too feels the same way about her? What a pitiful state? Imagine after all those sacrifices, compromises and unconditional love and care you need to go through such a torture. It’s like waiting for your results after an exam you studied so hard for but you are not sure if the professor like you enough to give you a “A” or a “D” grade!

The man on the other hand doesn’t give in easily. After all he is a MAN. He would scrutinize the entire situation; balance out if this would work. Will my family accept her? Will she be able to adjust in a new culture and among “my” people? Would she be ok dressing up like a married woman and socializing in all my family parties?

These problems usually come when the partners are from different backgrounds. Very rarely do men take a step to accept the woman as she is and promise her the life she has dreamt of with him. He would give her a priority she gave him in her life and might even go against culture or family members to be with her.

But usually the vice-versa happens. Men tell the women the situation and expect her to adjust, compromise and give in to the ways of his family. Seeing no other option some women usually don’t think twice and happily accept what life has to offer. And regret later.

But it’s 21st century. Women are smart and have a huge exposure to life. They also measure their risks. Understand their family expectations and more importantly decide whether its worth to give in to marry this man!! She has been giving all this while to get him and now again she gotta give in to further get into a relationship which would be highly demanding and unfairly rewarding! Not worth the risk.

That’s why women need to understand what’s the right thing to do? And men need to understand that they are highly regarded by their partners and if they cannot promise them the future their partner are looking for; its important to explicitly tell them and not let the woman flow into a imaginary river taking her to fantasy world.

It needs guts to love someone!! And remember….

“Don’t let a person be a Priority for you when he/she considers you as an Option”